Parents should have an open relationship with their children
Parents with children approaching puberty need to prepare themselves for the impending changes, so that they can help their kids, says Veola Vazquez, an assistant professor in psychology at Biola University.
Keeping in mind that, on average, girls reach puberty around age 12 and boys, 14, expect your tween to grow taller, gain weight and develop sexually. Beyond the physical changes, brace yourself for the emotional development as well. Her advice, as given to Focus On The Family:
1. Start early
by talking about the phase before it happens. "Parents who start open discussions about puberty early have teens who are more open to discussing it," Vazquez notes. "If your first discussion about puberty occurs after it has already begun, kids may be more uncomfortable discussing the issues."
In fact, The Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide by Dr James Dobson cites a Harvard University study of children between 10 and 13 on the subject. It showed that the number who felt uncomfortable talking to their parents about sexuality nearly doubled after puberty occurred, even though the majority of them felt loved by their parents 'all the time". Prior to that, they were very open to instruction and guidance at home.
2. Be clear
with your child about the bodily changes he or she should expect. "Give as much information as possible," she says. For example, girls need to know about breast development and the reproductive cycle. Explain menstruation, which is usually the final stage of her pubertal development and should be viewed positively — as a passage into adulthood, rather than a painful 'burden' all women have to bear. In the West, the first period is often marked as special with a dinner at a restaurant or a gift.
Boys too should be made aware that their bodies will change — their voices will deepen, and there will be enlargement of the genitals and new hair growth. Talk about the possibility of nocturnal emissions ('wet dreams'), and reassure them that these are not a sign of disease or immorality.
"It is better that they hear it from you than from friends or television," Vasquez advises.
3. Don't assume
your tween is well-informed and already knows everything he or she needs to know. Many kids learn about sex and puberty from the TV, friends, magazines or even random hearsay, and often get wrong information. Talking the issue over will go a long way towards correcting any inaccuracies.
"If your child asks questions for which you don't know the answer," Vasquez says, "simply tell him you will do your best to find the answer. Then be sure to read about the topic."
4. Soul search
"Talking to your child about body and sexual issues can be uncomfortable if you haven't prepared yourself ahead of time," she cautions. "Check your own attitudes about sex and your body before talking to your child."
5. Explain your values
Your child will be more likely to follow your values regarding sexual issues if you clearly state and model them. Discuss the reality of peer pressure, and how he or she would need faith in himself, his family and religion to resist the temptation to act unwisely.
Set out guidelines about interest in the opposite sex, relationships and physical contact, and if the subject of dating arises, make the boundaries clear. For instance, mum and dad may have a rule that there should be no 'steady' relationships at this age but encourage mixed group activities instead.
Don't feel you need to sit down and have a long heart-to-heart; a conversation may crop up in as casual a setting as the drive to school. It’s okay to keep things concise. However, if and when the opportunities arise, draw your tween in with questions that will help him or her think through issues like body language, flirting and modesty.
More importantly, convey the message that you will continue to be available and supportive through the changes that are about to take place, and that he or she can come to you at any time, about anything.
Your efforts to communicate and stay connected might well say more than words could.
Article from Family.sg
Monday, February 25, 2008
Gurmit's Simple Life
Gurmit Singh enjoys the simple pleasures of family life
Loudmouth contractor Phua Chu Kang may be the most unlikely example of a model husband and father. But ironically, Gurmit Singh, who plays the character on the sitcom of the same name, is a devoted family man.
Despite his fame and popularity, Gurmit remains refreshingly down-to-earth when it comes to talking about his relationships with wife, Melissa, whom he has been married to for 10 years, and their two children, Gabrielle, eight, and Elliot, four.
"Both of us are very family-oriented, and we both work at keeping close relationships between the children and ourselves,” he says. All the money and wealth in the world wouldn’t mean anything without your loved ones by your side."
Work Discipline
As one of the leading artistes on Caldecott Hill, Gurmit is one busy man. Best known as the iconic ah beng contractor in PCK Pte Ltd, he’s now preparing for PCK The Musical, which will be staged at the Singapore Indoor Stadium from 10-20 June. On top of that, the Singapore Idol host is filming an English TV drama slated for telecast at the end of the year.
Despite working 12-hour days, six days a week, Gurmit makes it a point to spend as much time as he can at home. Sundays for example, are reserved solely for his family. They go to church, and spend the rest of the day just hanging out and being together.
"It doesn’t matter how much you pay me. I never work on Sundays. Some people say I’m stupid because there’s a lot of money to be made, and I may be missing out on sponsorships and such, but I cannot compromise my family time," he says.
The Friendly Parent
Gurmit doesn't like his kids to see him as an authoritative figure. Instead, he wants to be treated as their friend and playmate.
Both Gabrielle and Elliot are prone to dragging their father into pillow fights and wrestling competitions. Sometimes, they play silly water games in the bathroom, and clown around by head-butting each other in the behind.
He explains, "I try to be a friendly father. I want them to see me first and foremost as a friend, someone they can talk to and approach in their time of need. I spend time with them doing fun things like making balloon sculptures, or just reading to them."
But it's not all play at the Singh household. His children realise it is time to stop playing when their father becomes stern, changes his tone and raises his voice. Even so, however angry he’s become, he has never once laid hands on his children.
"These hands are for loving, not for hitting. It is better to explain why his actions were wrong so he can think for himself and behave sensibly even without being told," he says.
Just be happy
The greatest hope that he has for his children is not for them to become successful lawyers, doctors, or prominent businessmen. Instead, his biggest wish is a lot simpler.
"All I want is for them is to be happy. They could have all the Cs, but if they don’t know the meaning of happiness, what is the point? Success is about being happy and being able to appreciate the small things in life."
Gurmit and his wife also try to teach their kids is the value of delayed gratification. For example, every time Gabrielle or Elliot want to buy a new toy or hanker to go on a trip abroad, Gurmit takes the opportunity to remind them to save.
"Kids have a huge capacity for learning, especially during these formative years. What they learn now is all the more important because it will make the biggest impact on them during their adult years," shares Gurmit.
Article from Family.sg/ My Family
Loudmouth contractor Phua Chu Kang may be the most unlikely example of a model husband and father. But ironically, Gurmit Singh, who plays the character on the sitcom of the same name, is a devoted family man.
Despite his fame and popularity, Gurmit remains refreshingly down-to-earth when it comes to talking about his relationships with wife, Melissa, whom he has been married to for 10 years, and their two children, Gabrielle, eight, and Elliot, four."Both of us are very family-oriented, and we both work at keeping close relationships between the children and ourselves,” he says. All the money and wealth in the world wouldn’t mean anything without your loved ones by your side."
Work Discipline
As one of the leading artistes on Caldecott Hill, Gurmit is one busy man. Best known as the iconic ah beng contractor in PCK Pte Ltd, he’s now preparing for PCK The Musical, which will be staged at the Singapore Indoor Stadium from 10-20 June. On top of that, the Singapore Idol host is filming an English TV drama slated for telecast at the end of the year.
Despite working 12-hour days, six days a week, Gurmit makes it a point to spend as much time as he can at home. Sundays for example, are reserved solely for his family. They go to church, and spend the rest of the day just hanging out and being together.
"It doesn’t matter how much you pay me. I never work on Sundays. Some people say I’m stupid because there’s a lot of money to be made, and I may be missing out on sponsorships and such, but I cannot compromise my family time," he says.
The Friendly Parent
Gurmit doesn't like his kids to see him as an authoritative figure. Instead, he wants to be treated as their friend and playmate.
Both Gabrielle and Elliot are prone to dragging their father into pillow fights and wrestling competitions. Sometimes, they play silly water games in the bathroom, and clown around by head-butting each other in the behind.
He explains, "I try to be a friendly father. I want them to see me first and foremost as a friend, someone they can talk to and approach in their time of need. I spend time with them doing fun things like making balloon sculptures, or just reading to them."
But it's not all play at the Singh household. His children realise it is time to stop playing when their father becomes stern, changes his tone and raises his voice. Even so, however angry he’s become, he has never once laid hands on his children.
"These hands are for loving, not for hitting. It is better to explain why his actions were wrong so he can think for himself and behave sensibly even without being told," he says.
Just be happy
The greatest hope that he has for his children is not for them to become successful lawyers, doctors, or prominent businessmen. Instead, his biggest wish is a lot simpler.
"All I want is for them is to be happy. They could have all the Cs, but if they don’t know the meaning of happiness, what is the point? Success is about being happy and being able to appreciate the small things in life."
Gurmit and his wife also try to teach their kids is the value of delayed gratification. For example, every time Gabrielle or Elliot want to buy a new toy or hanker to go on a trip abroad, Gurmit takes the opportunity to remind them to save.
"Kids have a huge capacity for learning, especially during these formative years. What they learn now is all the more important because it will make the biggest impact on them during their adult years," shares Gurmit.
Article from Family.sg/ My Family
Tech-ified English?
What technology does to the English language
Our exclusive Q&A with the two veterans in the education scene, Patricia Koh and Julia Gabriel, continues...
My tween/teen communicates via SMS a lot and she’s even used SMS language in her compositions! What can I do to stop this nonsense?
Pat Koh: Most children model after their peers and their parents. If his peers reply messages using short forms, it would be strange for your child to reply using complete sentences.
Most teenagers will rebel when they are forced to change and will become even more defiant. The best way to understand a teenager and to encourage him to do the right thing is to stop finding fault with him. Try not to pick on such issues which will are not crucial to his character and learning styles.
However, you can continue to sms him in complete sentences if you like, so that he knows that you are not used to answering in sms language. Soon, he may end up replying you in complete sentences.
As for the compositions he writes, please leave this to the teachers to deal with him. If the teachers in school are not making any effort to change his writing style, it would be better for you to speak with his teachers about your concerns. If he continues to fail in his compositions, he will soon learn to write sensibly.
You can also provide lots of good reading materials for your child to read and many opportunities to write without the fear of failing or making mistakes. This way your child will gain greater confidence in his speaking, reading and writing skills.
Julia Gabriel: SMS, email, blog sites and other forms of technology are not nonsense! They represent the means by which young people communicate with each other. Far from wiping this out, we adults need to learn to communicate this way, or our children will stop communicating with us. Young people are the ones who create language evolution for the next generation. So let's accept it, celebrate its range, diversity and efficiency, and then make sure our children know the difference between the language of text and technology and the Standard English they need for compositions, examinations, interviews and other formal situations. Children need exposure to many styles of language to help them differentiate, discover what is important in each situation and build communication skills suitable for adult life in a global world that advances at a pace they must keep up with.
Article from Family.sg/ Education
Our exclusive Q&A with the two veterans in the education scene, Patricia Koh and Julia Gabriel, continues...
My tween/teen communicates via SMS a lot and she’s even used SMS language in her compositions! What can I do to stop this nonsense?
Pat Koh: Most children model after their peers and their parents. If his peers reply messages using short forms, it would be strange for your child to reply using complete sentences.
Most teenagers will rebel when they are forced to change and will become even more defiant. The best way to understand a teenager and to encourage him to do the right thing is to stop finding fault with him. Try not to pick on such issues which will are not crucial to his character and learning styles.
However, you can continue to sms him in complete sentences if you like, so that he knows that you are not used to answering in sms language. Soon, he may end up replying you in complete sentences.
As for the compositions he writes, please leave this to the teachers to deal with him. If the teachers in school are not making any effort to change his writing style, it would be better for you to speak with his teachers about your concerns. If he continues to fail in his compositions, he will soon learn to write sensibly.
You can also provide lots of good reading materials for your child to read and many opportunities to write without the fear of failing or making mistakes. This way your child will gain greater confidence in his speaking, reading and writing skills.
Julia Gabriel: SMS, email, blog sites and other forms of technology are not nonsense! They represent the means by which young people communicate with each other. Far from wiping this out, we adults need to learn to communicate this way, or our children will stop communicating with us. Young people are the ones who create language evolution for the next generation. So let's accept it, celebrate its range, diversity and efficiency, and then make sure our children know the difference between the language of text and technology and the Standard English they need for compositions, examinations, interviews and other formal situations. Children need exposure to many styles of language to help them differentiate, discover what is important in each situation and build communication skills suitable for adult life in a global world that advances at a pace they must keep up with.
Article from Family.sg/ Education
Tech Me to School
What the tech revolution means to parents
You know your IM from iN2015. You have a family blog, and you play Warcraft like a pro (almost). So you think you're tech-savvy? Your kids are light years ahead, riding on a technological supernova in schools.
All around the island, educational institutions are harnessing the power of IT for everyday tasks like homework, as well as ground-breaking projects.
Take, for instance, Fuhua Primary, which has used Pocket PCs (PDAs or Personal Digital Assistants) and Flashloggers (integrated data logging systems) to promote an inquiry-based approach in the learning of science.
It started with the Primary 5 and 6 cohorts in 2004 and extended it to the Primary 3 and 4 cohorts last year. The pay-off: it gave pupils more time to plan and design experiments, as well as analyse data.
Meanwhile, pupils at Hong Kah Primary School publish their learning journals online at a blog site (www.multiply.com). "Blogging adds value to the learning process as pupils are captivated by the new form of writing and communication," says Leslie Lai, the school’s IT head, in an article published on the Ministry of Education’s website.
"Pupils also make use of the online discussion tools that are available on the website to discuss topics posed by the teachers."
Students in River Valley High, Monks Hill Secondary, Crescent Girls' and Catholic High have access to tablet PCs so they can study in a digital classroom environment and download information from the Internet wherever they may be. They are part of the BackPack.NET Pilots and Trials initiative (a strategic collaboration between IDA and Microsoft).
And early this year, Anglican High bought 5 SMART Interactive Whiteboards (IWBs) — a tool that combines a projector, computer and whiteboard, and which operates much like a touch-screen device.
Jimmy Tan, the school's science teacher and IWB coordinator, says this means students are no longer passive learners. "Students are able to learn better and faster. It changes the dynamics of the entire class," he says.
The future of school
Expect even more changes in the next nine years. In June, the government unveiled Intelligent Nation 2015, or iN2015 — a 10-year, multi-billion dollar infocomm masterplan to transform Singapore into an Intelligent Nation and Global City by 2015.
Its plans for homes and schools include:
At least 90 per cent of homes will have broadband access (up from 54 per cent now)
Every household with school-going children, no matter how poor, should have a computer with Internet access.Students will have anytime, anywhere connectivity and access to digital resources
15 to 20 per cent of schools will be designated as Experimental Schools, which will try out innovations applications in teaching.
Another five per cent will be Schools of the Future, leading the technology charge.
The Ministry Of Education’s Evaluation of Implementation of Masterplan for IT in Education Report 2001 showed that more than two-thirds of the pupils surveyed agreed that “the use of IT increases their knowledge".
Those who will succeed in the 21st century are those who can "learn, unlearn, and relearn", said futurist Alvin Toffler. To this end, teachers and parents still have an important role to play in developing the 'heartware' of the 21st century child – the EQ and CQ factors that determine true winners in life.
Article from Family.sg/ Education
You know your IM from iN2015. You have a family blog, and you play Warcraft like a pro (almost). So you think you're tech-savvy? Your kids are light years ahead, riding on a technological supernova in schools.
All around the island, educational institutions are harnessing the power of IT for everyday tasks like homework, as well as ground-breaking projects.
Take, for instance, Fuhua Primary, which has used Pocket PCs (PDAs or Personal Digital Assistants) and Flashloggers (integrated data logging systems) to promote an inquiry-based approach in the learning of science.
It started with the Primary 5 and 6 cohorts in 2004 and extended it to the Primary 3 and 4 cohorts last year. The pay-off: it gave pupils more time to plan and design experiments, as well as analyse data. Meanwhile, pupils at Hong Kah Primary School publish their learning journals online at a blog site (www.multiply.com). "Blogging adds value to the learning process as pupils are captivated by the new form of writing and communication," says Leslie Lai, the school’s IT head, in an article published on the Ministry of Education’s website.
"Pupils also make use of the online discussion tools that are available on the website to discuss topics posed by the teachers."
Students in River Valley High, Monks Hill Secondary, Crescent Girls' and Catholic High have access to tablet PCs so they can study in a digital classroom environment and download information from the Internet wherever they may be. They are part of the BackPack.NET Pilots and Trials initiative (a strategic collaboration between IDA and Microsoft).
And early this year, Anglican High bought 5 SMART Interactive Whiteboards (IWBs) — a tool that combines a projector, computer and whiteboard, and which operates much like a touch-screen device.
Jimmy Tan, the school's science teacher and IWB coordinator, says this means students are no longer passive learners. "Students are able to learn better and faster. It changes the dynamics of the entire class," he says.
The future of school
Expect even more changes in the next nine years. In June, the government unveiled Intelligent Nation 2015, or iN2015 — a 10-year, multi-billion dollar infocomm masterplan to transform Singapore into an Intelligent Nation and Global City by 2015.
Its plans for homes and schools include:
At least 90 per cent of homes will have broadband access (up from 54 per cent now)
Every household with school-going children, no matter how poor, should have a computer with Internet access.Students will have anytime, anywhere connectivity and access to digital resources
15 to 20 per cent of schools will be designated as Experimental Schools, which will try out innovations applications in teaching.
Another five per cent will be Schools of the Future, leading the technology charge.
The Ministry Of Education’s Evaluation of Implementation of Masterplan for IT in Education Report 2001 showed that more than two-thirds of the pupils surveyed agreed that “the use of IT increases their knowledge".
Those who will succeed in the 21st century are those who can "learn, unlearn, and relearn", said futurist Alvin Toffler. To this end, teachers and parents still have an important role to play in developing the 'heartware' of the 21st century child – the EQ and CQ factors that determine true winners in life.
Article from Family.sg/ Education
Child's Play
Is your kid spending a lot of time playing video games?
Q. What is your opinion of Nintendo and other kinds of video games? They’ve been claiming a big portion of our son’s time over the past few months, and I’m getting uneasy about it.
A. Depending on the particular games in question, you may have a valid cause for concern. Dr. Vince Hammond, head of the National Coalition on Television Violence, has described the potentially harmful nature of video games, especially those with violent themes. Some observers have come to the conclusion that these games can become obsessive and encourage aggressive behaviour. There’s even evidence to suggest that children between the ages of eight and 10 are 80 per cent more likely to fight with one another after playing with them. I’d advise you to put clear limits on the amount of time your son will be allowed to spend with video games or the Internet so that he won’t become obsessed with them. Insist that he avoid the violent ones altogether. With realistic guidelines I think it’s possible to keep this kind of activity under control rather than let it control your son and your family.
Dr. James Dobson is the founder Focus On The Family. The answer above is extracted from Solid Answers.
Article from Family.sg/ Healthy Behaviour
Q. What is your opinion of Nintendo and other kinds of video games? They’ve been claiming a big portion of our son’s time over the past few months, and I’m getting uneasy about it.
A. Depending on the particular games in question, you may have a valid cause for concern. Dr. Vince Hammond, head of the National Coalition on Television Violence, has described the potentially harmful nature of video games, especially those with violent themes. Some observers have come to the conclusion that these games can become obsessive and encourage aggressive behaviour. There’s even evidence to suggest that children between the ages of eight and 10 are 80 per cent more likely to fight with one another after playing with them. I’d advise you to put clear limits on the amount of time your son will be allowed to spend with video games or the Internet so that he won’t become obsessed with them. Insist that he avoid the violent ones altogether. With realistic guidelines I think it’s possible to keep this kind of activity under control rather than let it control your son and your family.
Dr. James Dobson is the founder Focus On The Family. The answer above is extracted from Solid Answers.
Article from Family.sg/ Healthy Behaviour
Exam Letdown
How do you encourage your child to persevere?
Q. My child did not do well in the mid-year exams but she is taking a defeatist attitude and is not at all motivated about revising what she is weak in. She has been saying things like, "I will never score good marks, so what's the use?" How can we encourage her to persevere?
A. Failure in the eyes of a child is often translated into an inability rather than a missed opportunity. It is hard for them to comprehend that there are redemptive points in a failure that they can later turn around to their advantage. They take offence and wallow in such personal letdowns and cannot see beyond the need to persevere; hence, the defeatist attitude.
For a start, explore with her the reasons for this recent setback. It could well be that the exams were unduly difficult. Her self-deprecating remark is a sign that she is engaged in an emotional tussle between losing faith in herself and an overwhelming sense of failing to meet up to parental expectations.
At this crucial point, you need to prune the negatives and lavish her with affirmatives. Similarly, you may have to coach her through her homework and equip her with good study skills. Share some personal anecdotes about your past failures and strategies that convert defeats into turnaround triumphs.
A loving partnership and mutual accountability pave the way toward a winning formula in educating your child. She will, in due time, flourish in such a secure and trusting family environment.
Her delight? Parents who permit inevitable failures to become a learning platform to launch the other successes in life!
Chong Cheh Hoon is a Counsellor with Focus on the Family Singapore
Article from Family.sg/ Healthy Behaviour
Q. My child did not do well in the mid-year exams but she is taking a defeatist attitude and is not at all motivated about revising what she is weak in. She has been saying things like, "I will never score good marks, so what's the use?" How can we encourage her to persevere?
A. Failure in the eyes of a child is often translated into an inability rather than a missed opportunity. It is hard for them to comprehend that there are redemptive points in a failure that they can later turn around to their advantage. They take offence and wallow in such personal letdowns and cannot see beyond the need to persevere; hence, the defeatist attitude.
For a start, explore with her the reasons for this recent setback. It could well be that the exams were unduly difficult. Her self-deprecating remark is a sign that she is engaged in an emotional tussle between losing faith in herself and an overwhelming sense of failing to meet up to parental expectations.
At this crucial point, you need to prune the negatives and lavish her with affirmatives. Similarly, you may have to coach her through her homework and equip her with good study skills. Share some personal anecdotes about your past failures and strategies that convert defeats into turnaround triumphs.
A loving partnership and mutual accountability pave the way toward a winning formula in educating your child. She will, in due time, flourish in such a secure and trusting family environment.
Her delight? Parents who permit inevitable failures to become a learning platform to launch the other successes in life!
Chong Cheh Hoon is a Counsellor with Focus on the Family Singapore
Article from Family.sg/ Healthy Behaviour
Saturday, February 23, 2008
The Big 'O'
Crossing hurdles during your child's 'O' Levels
It’s different when the 'O' Levels come around. By this time, your child is a teen with a mind of his own and there might be other hurdles to cross besides the academic ones.
• Handle With Care
Insurance agent Lucinda Wang, 45, had a hard time with her son, Sean, 16. In the months before his ‘O’ level exams, a serious addiction to computer games saw him neglecting his studies. "He withdrew from the family and became like this stranger in the household," recalls Lucinda with a pained look.
Despite the tears and tension, the family did not give up on him. Instead, they reached out and did their best to show him that they cared.
With some professional counselling, things started looking up, and the parent-child relationship also improved. Sean got back on track with his studies, and it is Lucinda's assessment that he gave the 'O' levels his best shot.
"Despite all the best intentions and preparations, one can never ever be totally prepared for what life will throw at us," observes psychiatrist Dr Sharon Chan of Sharon Chan Child Guidance Clinic.
"At the end of the day, it is the basic relationship that really carries one through. As parents, we should not lose focus on who our children really are and get sucked into this vortex of exams and results being the be-all and end-all to our children’s existence.
"Some parents subscribe to the view that the end justifies the means. So they would do whatever it takes to get their children to excel and deliver the goods, at whatever the cost. Personally, I don’t believe in that.”
• Set Target, Show Support
At the beginning of the year, parents should set out what their child can expect in Secondary Four and the amount of work that he or she is likely to have to put in. They should keep their own anxiety in check, however, and temper the relationship with patience, humour and optimism.
"It is not all doom and gloom," Chan insists. "Stress that it is going to be a challenging but great year, and that the family is in this together."
• Work Hard, Play Hard
All work and no play makes for an unhappy child — and that makes life difficult for everyone around him or her. "Aim to do some thing together as a family like picking up a sport to distress," Chan advises. "Be there for each other and support each other and everything else will fall into place."
Article from Family.sg/education
It’s different when the 'O' Levels come around. By this time, your child is a teen with a mind of his own and there might be other hurdles to cross besides the academic ones.
• Handle With Care
Insurance agent Lucinda Wang, 45, had a hard time with her son, Sean, 16. In the months before his ‘O’ level exams, a serious addiction to computer games saw him neglecting his studies. "He withdrew from the family and became like this stranger in the household," recalls Lucinda with a pained look.
Despite the tears and tension, the family did not give up on him. Instead, they reached out and did their best to show him that they cared.
With some professional counselling, things started looking up, and the parent-child relationship also improved. Sean got back on track with his studies, and it is Lucinda's assessment that he gave the 'O' levels his best shot.
"Despite all the best intentions and preparations, one can never ever be totally prepared for what life will throw at us," observes psychiatrist Dr Sharon Chan of Sharon Chan Child Guidance Clinic.
"At the end of the day, it is the basic relationship that really carries one through. As parents, we should not lose focus on who our children really are and get sucked into this vortex of exams and results being the be-all and end-all to our children’s existence.
"Some parents subscribe to the view that the end justifies the means. So they would do whatever it takes to get their children to excel and deliver the goods, at whatever the cost. Personally, I don’t believe in that.”
• Set Target, Show Support
At the beginning of the year, parents should set out what their child can expect in Secondary Four and the amount of work that he or she is likely to have to put in. They should keep their own anxiety in check, however, and temper the relationship with patience, humour and optimism.
"It is not all doom and gloom," Chan insists. "Stress that it is going to be a challenging but great year, and that the family is in this together."
• Work Hard, Play Hard
All work and no play makes for an unhappy child — and that makes life difficult for everyone around him or her. "Aim to do some thing together as a family like picking up a sport to distress," Chan advises. "Be there for each other and support each other and everything else will fall into place."
Article from Family.sg/education
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