Exam Letdown

How do you encourage your child to persevere?

Q. My child did not do well in the mid-year exams but she is taking a defeatist attitude and is not at all motivated about revising what she is weak in. She has been saying things like, "I will never score good marks, so what's the use?" How can we encourage her to persevere?

A. Failure in the eyes of a child is often translated into an inability rather than a missed opportunity. It is hard for them to comprehend that there are redemptive points in a failure that they can later turn around to their advantage. They take offence and wallow in such personal letdowns and cannot see beyond the need to persevere; hence, the defeatist attitude.

For a start, explore with her the reasons for this recent setback. It could well be that the exams were unduly difficult. Her self-deprecating remark is a sign that she is engaged in an emotional tussle between losing faith in herself and an overwhelming sense of failing to meet up to parental expectations.

At this crucial point, you need to prune the negatives and lavish her with affirmatives. Similarly, you may have to coach her through her homework and equip her with good study skills. Share some personal anecdotes about your past failures and strategies that convert defeats into turnaround triumphs.

A loving partnership and mutual accountability pave the way toward a winning formula in educating your child. She will, in due time, flourish in such a secure and trusting family environment.

Her delight? Parents who permit inevitable failures to become a learning platform to launch the other successes in life!

Chong Cheh Hoon is a Counsellor with Focus on the Family Singapore

Article from Family.sg/ Healthy Behaviour