The Big 'O'

Crossing hurdles during your child's 'O' Levels

It’s different when the 'O' Levels come around. By this time, your child is a teen with a mind of his own and there might be other hurdles to cross besides the academic ones.

• Handle With Care
Insurance agent Lucinda Wang, 45, had a hard time with her son, Sean, 16. In the months before his ‘O’ level exams, a serious addiction to computer games saw him neglecting his studies. "He withdrew from the family and became like this stranger in the household," recalls Lucinda with a pained look.

Despite the tears and tension, the family did not give up on him. Instead, they reached out and did their best to show him that they cared.

With some professional counselling, things started looking up, and the parent-child relationship also improved. Sean got back on track with his studies, and it is Lucinda's assessment that he gave the 'O' levels his best shot.

"Despite all the best intentions and preparations, one can never ever be totally prepared for what life will throw at us," observes psychiatrist Dr Sharon Chan of Sharon Chan Child Guidance Clinic.

"At the end of the day, it is the basic relationship that really carries one through. As parents, we should not lose focus on who our children really are and get sucked into this vortex of exams and results being the be-all and end-all to our children’s existence.

"Some parents subscribe to the view that the end justifies the means. So they would do whatever it takes to get their children to excel and deliver the goods, at whatever the cost. Personally, I don’t believe in that.”

• Set Target, Show Support
At the beginning of the year, parents should set out what their child can expect in Secondary Four and the amount of work that he or she is likely to have to put in. They should keep their own anxiety in check, however, and temper the relationship with patience, humour and optimism.

"It is not all doom and gloom," Chan insists. "Stress that it is going to be a challenging but great year, and that the family is in this together."

• Work Hard, Play Hard
All work and no play makes for an unhappy child — and that makes life difficult for everyone around him or her. "Aim to do some thing together as a family like picking up a sport to distress," Chan advises. "Be there for each other and support each other and everything else will fall into place."

Article from Family.sg/education