Keep the Peace

Stay cool when your teen engages you in an argument

The hormones do rage during the teen years. It is a fact extensively documented in academic journals, and even if you were simply to broach the subject with another parent of a teen, you’ll hear a treatise of how this phenomenon shows up in everyday life.

Well, hey, these are the years when the ‘birds and bees’ become real. While your teen may seem to have textbook knowledge about sexual matters, he or she still needs you to help mould his or her attitudes and decisions. Don’t avoid the topic. Count on the relationship you’ve built up so far to be open about your views and the values you advocate.
Some reminders:

Short is sweet
Your teen could be on the verge of turning into a rebel with a cause — his independence. He wants to be treated like an adult, and even if you don’t think he deserves the privilege, recognise that saying what’s on your mind simply and sincerely will hit home more effectively than an hour-long lecture during which no one’s taking notes (or notice).
Remember: “Adolescents need to know that there are adults who care about them and are cheering them on toward maturity,” says Amy Stephens, a youth policy expert at Focus on the Family.
Have faith
You’ve spent an entire lifetime honing your values. Don’t spew it all out in an extended “sit down and let’s talk” session. It’s going to go over your teen’s head. Look out instead for the teachable moments that surprise you every now and then, and seize the opportunities to communicate what matters to you (and, hopefully, should matter to your child too). Small ‘sound bytes’ might just find a groove or two in her heart, particularly those that relate to your family’s religious beliefs.
Remember: In early 2003, a study by the National Institutes of Health in the US of teenagers aged between 15 and 18 found that “teens – particularly girls – with strong religious views are less likely to have sex… largely because their religious views lead them to view the consequences of having sex negatively”.
Cool aid
Your principles about sex are not the easiest thing to talk about, and there will be times your teen won’t be interested in listening. Don’t lose your temper; a display of frustration will only build the barriers. Bring the subject up again another day, and continue to be available to talk things over.
Remember: “Studies have also borne out what most of us knew intuitively: Kids who have close, loving relationships with their parents are more likely to heed their parents’ advice to avoid risky behaviours such as drug and alcohol use and premarital sex,” says author Jerry Gramckow in his article, ‘Parenting For Purity’.

Article from Family.sg/youngteens