Go Go Go!

Make sure that your young teens are not getting burned out

Ken is a strapping young man of 13 who is a scout, a competitive golfer and a serious chess player. Those are the three Co-Curricular Activities (CCA) he’s involved in at school, and they take up the three weekday afternoons he counts as "out" – his one-word answer to anyone who asks if he might like to do something else on those days. He squeezes in an afternoon of Chinese tuition on another "out" day, and a round of golf with his dad sometime – which simply means, Ken explains, whenever they each have "some time". This happens on a weekly basis.

All in, there are precious few minutes leftover after the homework is done for his favourite pastime of channel surfing. "He's so busy," his mother confirms.

While mums and dads may hail the coming of secondary school life as a breath of fresh air compared to the pressure-cooker year of studying for the Primary Six Leaving Examination, they should watch out that their 13- to 15-year-olds are not bogged down by overscheduling.

Being on the go all the time can wear on energetic teens, just as it does on adults, and can be a leading cause of stress or even burnout. Sometimes, what makes things worse is that emotional distance can result from that physical fatigue.

Is there anything parents can do? Plenty.

WHAT TO DO

1. Take action
Help your child to take stock of her 'too busy' lifestyle. Among the suggestions counselors Tim Geare and Tim Sanford, both of Focus On The Family, give include asking her to
• List all the activities she’s committed to – daily, weekly, seasonally (this includes events like swimming carnivals or tennis championships) and occasionally (friends’ birthday parties, etc).
• Divide them into three groups: essential, important and pleasurable.
• Write down, beside each group, something she must say "no" to, in order to make that item a priority. Encourage her to take her time and to be honest.
• Determine if she’s doing too much, and suggest how she can adjust her schedule.

2. Make sleep a requirement
Sounds too simplistic a recommendation, but the reality is that many teens sacrifice a good night’s rest of eight to nine hours of sleep to finish all that they need to – whether Chinese compositions, Chemistry assignments, or maintaining a good friendship by chatting on multiple phone lines.

Experts at the National Research Centre For Women & Families in the US (www.center4research.org) have documented that most teens in a sleep laboratory sleep more than nine hours each night if given the opportunity. “It can be a vicious cycle: lack of sleep can make an individual more susceptible to stress, and stress often interferes with the ability to sleep,” note researchers Anne Gallo and Diana Zuckerman.

They’re still not too old for you to make a stand about their bedtime hours – especially since good sleep habits can have an impact on his or her future health and education.

3. Avoid stress overload.
Some stress is beneficial and even necessary for psychological development. However, too much can be debilitating. Before things become overwhelming, sit your teen down and:
• Help to identify what could cause stress (eg, tests and exams) and plan ways to avoid or deal with it (a reasonable schedule for revision). If necessary, provide opportunities to learn stress management techniques.
• Offer personal space. Quiet space (even if it is only his or her own desk in a corner of a room) and alone time should be allowed.
• Encourage strong relationships with friends and relatives, and don’t discount the value of small talk and laughter in the home.

Meanwhile, make the effort to establish contact with other parents of similar-age children. They can be helpful resources, as well as sounding boards. Take note also of how you vent your own stress and anger, since your teen will still take many cues from your behaviour!

Article from Family.sg/youngteens