Off Limits!

Teens still need their parents to set boundaries

The teenage years hit children and parents equally forcefully. Teens feel as if a new lease of life has been opened up to them; parents, a new set of problems.

No prizes for guessing that parents are the ones weighed down by concern. The sweet kids they used to know have become teens that go out constantly and talk back consistently. Should Mum and Dad let the bad behaviour pass?

Experts who have posted their views on parenting websites say no, and that a healthy balance can be found between too little discipline (read: kids go hog wild) and too much (a surefire way to invite rebellion into the home).

The kids should have a good idea of what you expect of them by now and where the limits have been placed. Still, it never hurts for them to be reminded of what they can and cannot do. For instance, if a "no loud music" rule applies in your home, it should continue to be enforced and the reasons for it restated.

"When a parent finds out that a child has overstepped his boundaries, betrayed a parent's trust or disregarded a household rule, it is the adult's responsibility to issue a consequence," says Debra Johanyk at www.pagewise.com. Besides even if teens do not show it, they count on "the security of parents who keep watch (over them) and respond accordingly."

"Accordingly" could be taken to mean that your style of discipline reflects your realisation that you are now dealing with a teenager. Parents should no longer be authoritarian, as they might choose to be with younger children, but they can be authoritative. The goal is to show that the boundaries remain intact in the best interests of the child, and the discipline meted out is aimed to set them squarely on a path that leads them to become responsible adults.

The Kansas State University Cooperative Extension Service, which offers an online course in "Responsive Discipline" at www.ksu.ed/wwparent/courses, includes this advice, "By setting and enforcing reasonable limits, we help children learn self-control. Limits contribute to the child's understanding of right and wrong and the development of values that emphasise the feelings and needs of others…The ultimate goal of discipline is an adult with a personal sense of responsibility.”

Article from Family.sg/ youngteens